Go America!

Surprised and thankful

Look, I am going to start with something negative, but I am going to say something positive at the end. Since 2009, average wages have increased 87%. Meanwhile, the cost of housing has increased 177%. Cost of healthcare has risen 112%. People are having to fingerhut things they should never have to fingerhut. You can buy now pay later groceries. Can’t afford a house? Best we can do is a 50-year mortgage. Yes yes, we know the ACA is horrible and we let the subsidies expire and people can’t afford it or their costs doubled or tripled but don’t worry! We are working with health insurers for you to be able to take out a loan to pay for your healthcare.  You’re welcome!  And to show our appreciation for you sacrificing to make America great again we will be holding a UFC fight on the White House lawn. You have to pay to watch it but you can use PayPal to split the payments. It’s a small price to pay for freedom don’t you think?

 

Look, when I first heard about the White House UFC fight all I could think about was the old YouTube videos I would watch with backyard fights. Always behind some singlewide trailer with missing underpinning, cinder block steps, and a confederate flag beach towel covering a window. But I have to admit.  This wasn’t what I was expecting. Cuz this is awesome. So, I want to thank the Trump administration for this wonderful event during pride month.  This place has everything. Rainbows illuminating the sky. Oiled up gladiators wrestling to see who will end up on top. Tacky gold everywhere. Guys on motorcycles wearing leather jackets. People dancing to the Village People. And it’s sponsored by Bud Light? Go woke go broke? Nah go woke go America!